You only have to look at me or any of my work to see that I
enjoy being a girl. I am stereotypically feminine and I have always loved that
aspect of my personality. I have always dressed in such a manner because ‘I’
like the way it looks, ‘I’ like the way it feels, it has never been for the
benefit or pleasure of anyone else, least of all for the sexual attention of a
man. Perhaps I am naïve to believe I can look overly feminine and not be
classed as a sexual object, but realise in recent years that that is what I
have become, or always been. I look back throughout my life and realise that I
have a very negative attitude towards my body image, and if I dig even further
I realise that none of the negative feelings reside internally, all of them
stem from the seeds planted there by others. I’m not talking about the odd
school yard jibe or tussle, because everyone knows children are cruel at times
and I’m sure everyone has had something said to them at some point or other. I’m
talking about later on in a girl’s life, the time they grow parts of themselves
that seem to later define them to others, breasts that are the first thing
people see instead of your face or personality. In my own life I have found
that men outside of my own safe family environment, have been a huge issue for
me regarding my image, and can honestly say my negative feelings have come as a
direct result of dating, or ‘love’ if you like. I’m sure like more girls I have
made some terrible decisions, and although all were absolute swine’s in one way
or another, not all of them directly said anything about my image. Some however
did, resulting in my body becoming my enemy, I look on this fact and feel quite
sad that something which is mine, something I should be proud of, love and
respect has been used against me.
How do you reclaim that? I still have negative feelings
regarding callous comments made by people I don’t even care about anymore.
How do I make light of something with has turned my body
into this hand grenade forced down my throat by the insecurity and hatred of
others?
As always I plan to use comedy, I plan to use the persona of
clown to deal with this issue, to look at people who celebrate and exaggerate
femininity and glorify it to the extreme,, ironically this attitude comes in
the form of a male, that of the drag queen. The Drag celebrates everything
stereotypically feminine; it mocks yet glorifies the female form. I plan to
take on this exaggerated form, to both celebrate myself as a woman who ‘should’
love her body, by exaggerating my features, yet also mocking the seeds of doubt
that objectified these features in the first place, Through celebrating my body
my placing exaggerated reference to the parts that others have tried to use
against me. I will take this to yet another level of absurdity by making myself
into a four legged lady, or ‘circus freak’ to further press the issue of how I
myself, and many other women have been made to feel due to others never seeing
past our bodies.
The work shall feature musical performances, parody
advertisements regarding the body featuring ridiculous items you can buy to ‘change’
your body (just in case it isn’t good enough for that extra special someone) and
of course lots of costumes and makeup.
By using my body to exaggerate myself and mock outside negativity
I will not only be reclaiming my body but hopefully reaching out to other women
who can relate to this issue and making people laugh in the process. Because
after all isn’t laughter always the best medicine?
